What happens when you let go of fear ... you need to know this!
I have been blathering on about fear for a few posts now, but you see ... what I have learned over the past week is how much of what we do and how we act are governed by fear ... it is pretty mind-blowing to think how deep this rabbit hole goes and how many of my actions have been fear based ... my entire belief system is all over the floor right now ... what a freakin' mess ...
This epic, endgame-boss fight scene of a revelation came after a session with my wonderful friend and teacher Kavi who I recommend to all you peeps who are suffering with some sh1t or another ... mental, physical, spiritual, he'll set you right mate ...
I was in the process of describing how I was feeling in great detail, giving thoughtful reasoning as to why this was coming up and internalising it endlessly. With one sentence he brought the hammer of truth raining down upon me like some Asgardian god distributing cement blocks ... not that they would distribute cement blocks but you know, I was struggling for a suitable, weighty metaphor and well, just humour me, fuzzball ...
"well, that sounds like fear!" was his riposte ...
That was it ... no long discussions about how I should take my burning sage under the full moon and pray to the goat-god .. although, I would truly love some kind of ritual that involved that ... wanna join me next full moon? I'll wear my fluffy boots ... sorry, I digress
Realisation poured over me like someone had just cracked an egg over my head. It was as if my life flashed before my eyes ... showing me just how my fear had driven me for so long.
Due to quite horrible childhood trauma, I have always been in fear ... but I had hidden it for so long behind masks of other stuff that I didn't even recognise it as fear anymore ... it was running around disguised as ambition, passivity, neurosis, willingness to please, bravado and other such enlarged glasses and fake noses ...
For so long I had been caught in the trap of fearing everything that I had lost myself and started to drown in the fear ... it was no longer the true me ... it was fear.
I finally understand what all those spiritual fellows are blithering on about when say things like "come back to yourself" and "find the truth of who you are"! I never truly knew what the hell to think about sentences like that but I realise now that it means not giving pieces of ourselves away too easily to others ... hiding from or not being ourselves out of fear of reprimand, fear of failure, fear of mockery or some other demon in disguise ... allowing yourself to be ... just you, with all the vulnerability, flaws and loveliness that makes you, well ... YOU!
And do you know what? Since this knowledge has made an appearance, an almost zen-like state of peace and happiness has descended over me ... oh, my fear is still there, lurking like some brain gremlin ... but I see it for what it is now ... ONLY FEAR! It can't hurt me unless I let it ... it can't stop me unless I allow it to ... and I can choose to put him in charge ... or NOT ... and believe me, you don't want that little green monster running your actions ... remember the cinema scene?? That's your life, if you let him behind the wheel ...
Starting from today, imagine that you are totally free of nonsensical fear ... I don't mean that healthy fear that will stop you from leaning out of the train window or chopping off your own arm, silly ... I mean the fear that is stopping you from following what you really love ... it could be fear of money problems, fear of being made a fool of, fear of just about anything, fear of change ... fear of what people will think ... ask yourself why you fear that and then ... FORGET IT!! WHO GIVES ONE what anyone thinks ... imagine the WORST thing that could happen from just trying ... and then think of how it would actually never come to that!
You will find that a renewed sense of purpose comes over you ... a new belief in yourself that is secure and homely and totally flippin' honest ...
Try it ... that is all I ask ... then go and get 'em tiger!!
:-)
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